All posts for the day October 7th, 2012

Marital Problems causes

Published October 7, 2012 by Tony

Most Separation and Divorce’s cause

Once in my country some dictums about couples or marriage said:
“Women and oxen from your country”
“Women cheat for money or for sex”

Today, these aphorisms are probably outdated but still retain some element of truth.
The indisputable fact that in recent decades separations and divorces increased exponentially leads one to think that, compared to the past, something has changed in “marital relationships”. Likely compared to the past today many things have changed, something for the better and some others for the worse, but we would be wrong if say that nowadays life is more difficult to live, because also for our ancestors life was not so easy.
Family management and a long-term relationship have never been easy for anyone, today as yesterday.

So, what has it really changed or what’s wrong nowadays?

With regard to marriage and life of the couple have been written hundreds of books, where the marriage crisis’s reasons are analyzed, with good tips to avoid more common mistakes and look for happy coexistence.
But I’m sure all the problems can be traced to one only, which by the way, is the only point which differentiates the couples of the past.

At the base of it all is the lack of sacrifice and compromise!

In married life, both spouses can’t or don’t want to give up their needs and their freedom. Many of you will be turning up their noses now, but it is so….

To understand “the couple” we must examine the single individuals.
Compared to the past, today’s young people are used to have more freedom, get every whim or need satisfied. Parents do their best to meet their needs and let them live a very comfortable life. The study and the wish to have economic independence leads women to find a job or advance their career. All this did not happen in the last century, where women were the housewives, taking care of children and house, while the husbands dealt with work and family’s well-being mostly.
Today the roles are standardized with equality of rights.
This is the true and main difference between the past.
Nowadays, no matter if boy or girl, you have your good clothes, your perfume and make-up, your computer, your PlayStation, your sport to practice, your friends, your freetime, pocket money, entertainment, parties and… so on and so forth.
Once married, they both must give up many things… and this is where the problems begin and in the long run the couple’s life becomes stressful and unacceptable.
Provided that other problems have not appeared in the meantime… concerning money or infidelity, for example. Besides, the arrival of children, then, makes the situation worse and is sought greater involvement and patience.

The fact that marriages between persons not so young last longer is a proof. Aged people are more mature and aware of what a “life together” implies, able to adapt better and give up something patiently. For young people, instead, it is not easy to give up things which they still feel the need and that, if ever, their unmarried friends are still enjoying around.
The common-law marriage or the living-together with no legal or religious bonds, got a foothold among young people just because they were aware of their weak points, and a way to get involved and try.

Therefore, if your relationship is in crisis, I believe that it is useless to read books and manuals …. beyond to have an open and honest conversation, through a good dose of patience,  each of you must make an exam of conscience and see if he/she really has been able to give up half of own needs in favor of those of his/her partner.