boys

All posts tagged boys

Mom’s lover

Published July 6, 2013 by Tony

AN EMBARRASSING RELATIONSHIP

"Mia madre" painting by R.Vespignani

From centuries in the South we have a “special” relationship with our mother, sung by immigrants of the early twentieth century, sacred and miraculous like the blood of San Gennaro, too protective, but not exhibited, least of all in public events.
This is what differentiates us from Americans, British, French or Germans, who unlike us Italians do not feel embarrassed to show themselves together their mothers, even at social occasions. For example, Ryan Gosling or Justin Bieber appear on the “red carpet” with their respective moms without any embarrassment.
Whether he is the adolescent who is experiencing his troublesome years of development or the fifty year old professional, here the embarrassment is transverse, has no age or social position, and the specter of the “mum addiction” (mammismo), especially the one that smacks of homosexuality, affects the social life, becomes uncomfortable and inhibit at public level. If here the relationship with the mom is most felt and imposing, there are no backed explanations and it may be because everything is precarious for decades, innate fears and the insecurity of the present and future brings the mother-child relationship to become something essential, the only true and reliable certainty that the child has, especially when the dad is more absent.

In this period that I am on holiday and going to the beach, I see many mamma’s boys that go around on the beach with their mums, they walk hand in hand along the foreshore or lie down together under the sun umbrella as two lovers. A world of pampering, caressing, confessions, through an ethical and psychological relationship that goes beyond the traditional mother-son relationship, one in which we all, of previous generations, were not used to.
This inevitably leads to a delay in the boy “maturation“, but nowadays, where everything goes at a slow pace and people do not program over the next weekend, we cannot ask for more.
Inevitably, this close relationship with the mother precludes other important relations. Too bad, because at 15-16 years it is already an age when young guys could and should do certain useful life experiences that take on a different flavor if made at 20.

GAY HELP

Published March 15, 2013 by Tony

Nate's dad letter

This letter written from a dad to his gay son Nate is going viral on the Internet because of its simple, hopeful message of love.
It was posted on the Facebook page of FCKH8.com, an organization aimed at empowering youth through its snarky, gay-positive T-shirts, videos and activist campaigns.
I don’t know if this letter is real, but gives me the opportunity to launch a campaign to help and give words of comfort to all the boys, gay or not, who need it. I know how even a few words of understanding or a short chat of encouragement can be useful in times of distress. I am available to do so and I will respond to anyone who needs to hear a friendly voice. Those interested can write me to:  antveral@hotmail.it

Boys Are Hitting Puberty Earlier

Published October 22, 2012 by Tony

Boys Developing at Younger Age

It is well known that in last decades girls mature at a younger age, while for boys we only had supposed such a thing.  [In girls, breast development is the first sign and  it starts at age 7-8  in about 10 percent of white girls, 23 percent of blacks and 15 percent of Hispanics, while the start of menstruating is around age 11- 12 on average].
Now, some recent studies reveal that it’s not just girls who are developing at younger ages but also boys are entering puberty earlier than past generations. And this is conflicting with what some doctors thought till now, since the food rich in estrogens -the main responsible for the early development in girls-  logically speaking had even to delay sexual maturation in boys. What a coincidence, in a prior post I just mentioned a similar evolutionary issue.
The new study has been conducted by the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) through data coming from 212 practitioners in 144 pediatric offices that in 41 states have recorded information on 4.131 boys age 6 to 16. Conventionally, doctors based their examinations on the so-called Tanner stages of development, used to measure how far along in puberty a young person is. This method checks the sexual development during puberty and divides it into five stages, depending on the size of the genitals (G1, 2, 3, 4, 5) and hairs (P1, 2, 3, 4, 5). [see below for the stages table]
Results say that on average genital changes in boys start around the age of 9-10, with evident pubic hair between age 10 and 11, testicle size increasing before age 10, and with a full sexual maturity at 14-15. The stage 3, meaning a sexual development with a penis growing and testicles already producing sperm, happens at age 12. Besides the study says that African-American boys develop earlier than their white and Hispanic peers.
An older study, from the  1950s through 1970s of white boys in England, found that boys started genital development at age 11-12 on average, with pubic hair development typically between 12 and 13 – about two years later than in the new study.
Of course, for now doctors have only theories to explain the reasons of this changing as it is still not clear why boys also are hitting puberty sooner.
Contemporary data on the ages of pubertal characteristics in American boys, from onset to maturity, were lacking until now.
Although these results can give happiness to young guys and be a source of pride, another study by Cornell’s College of Human Ecology noticed that boys reaching sexual maturity more rapidly can go towards psychological problems, as getting along with others their age and having a higher risk for depression. Besides, when the release of the hormone testosterone reaches its maximum, boys can assume particularly risky behavior, as shows of strength, negligence or high propensity to violence, acts that lead to an increased number of serious accidents.
Regardless if such early development is good or not, parents should pay attention to their kids’ development, because in these cases evidently become important having a diverse chat with them and start talking earlier about sexuality and sex activity. Consequently, the sexual development takes boys to a greater need for masturbation or for sex with peers. Probably, this just is another reason why nowadays cases of pregnant teenagers girls have increased or because porno users age is lower. Thus, our society needs to take note and adapt to this, beyond medical or psychological dissertations, whereas it is impossible to deny or prohibit sexual activity to a girl or a boy of 14 years whose sexually already gets the same need of a  more mature person. But according to the hypocrisy, moralism and puritanism of our society, these legal and mental changes will not be easy to achieve.

TANNER STAGES TABLE
Sexual organs are staged as follows:
Stage 1: The testes, scrotum, and penis are about the same size and proportion as in early childhood.
Stage 2: The scrotum and testes enlarge and the scrotal sac reddens and changes in texture. There is little to no enlargement of the penis.
Stage 3: There is further growth of the testes and scrotum and the penis begins to enlarge, mainly in length.
Stage 4: The testes and scrotum continue to enlarge and the scrotal skin continues to darken. The penis continues to grow in breadth and length with development of the glans.
Stage 5: The genitalia are of adult size and shape. No further enlargement takes place.

Pubic hair is staged as follows: 
Stage 1: The vellus of the pubis resembles that over the abdomen.
Stage 2: Sparse growth of long, slightly pigmented, downy hair, straight or only slightly curled, appears chiefly at the base of the penis.
Stage 3: The hair is considerably darker, courser, and more curled. It spreads sparsely over the junction of the pubis.
Stage 4: The hair is now adult-like but the area covered is still considerably smaller than in most adults. There is no spread to the medial surface of the thighs.
Stage 5: The hair is adult in quantity and type, distributed in the “male” pattern of an inverse triangle, and may spread to the medial surface of the thighs.


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DISCRIMINATION & BULLYING

Published October 15, 2012 by Tony

WHAT A BAD SOCIETY WE’VE SET UP!
TEEN TAKING THEIR OWN LIFE

AmandaTodd

Bullying takes another heavy toll, another victim, AmandaTodd, a fifteen-Canadian girl who leaves us with another shocking video on youtube. The girl committed suicide on Oct. 10 because victim of cyber-bullying through the social networking website Facebook.
I read that about the 36,951 suicides recorded in the U.S. in 2009 by the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 265 involved children ages 5-14, while suicide remains the third-leading cause of death among U.S. teens and young adults. I do not know how many people have committed suicide worldwide so far,  because of bullying or because our society had put them in the dock, but they are a lot considering that the simple internet search “teens committing suicide by bullying” I’m doing just now, returns me dozens of cases.
Too many!
I have not continued the research because it was useless and saddened me further, it takes only the names reported in this short list to tell us that something is wrong, that our mentality has to change, starting from the institutions, through the school and by a large worldwide campaign against bullying and any type of discrimination. A bad taste in my mouth seeing that many of these teenagers are dead because were gay or only considered as such. None of us can even begin to imagine the pain that they went through. My heart goes out to all of these peoples families. We need to put a stop to this, our generation is being stolen right out from under our feet because we’re so judgmental, rude, and just plain insensitive. I care about every single life lost in this struggle of survival in this cruel world. The age of the subjects shown in this list condemns us all equally and let us understand that it is young people, our children to pay the price. Each of us is responsible for this because even in our small way, what little we can do, we can contribute and must help things to change.

In loving memory of….

Adam Grigg, 14 years, West Yorkshire, UK
Aimee Wellock,  16 years, Bradford, UK
Alex Teka, 12 years old, New Zealand
April Himes, 13 years, Washington, UK
Asher Brown, 13 years, Texas
Austin Murphy; 16 years,
Belinda Allen, 14 years, West Sussex
Ben Vodden , 11 years, UK
Billy (William) Lucas, 156, Indiana
Brian Frankish, 14 years,
Brice Edwards, 15 years old, Philadelphia
Celina Okwuone, 11 years,Florida
Chelsey Shores, 17 years, Illinois
Ciara Pugsley, 15 years, Ireland
Darren Steele, 15 years, Staffordshire, UK
Desire Dryer; 17 years, Ohio
eric_mohat Eric Mohat, 17 years, Ohio
Hope Witsell, 13, Tampa
Jack Glasby, 13 years, NY
Jared High, 12 year, Vancouver
Jaheen Herrera, 11 years, Virgin Islands
Jamie Hubley, 15 year, Ottawa
Jamie Sell, 17 years, Cardiff
jessie-logan-sexting-suicide-girl Jesse Logan, 18, Ohio
Jevan Richardson, 10 years, London
Jon Carmichael, 13, Texas
Jon Gettle, 14 years, Illinois
Joseph Daniel Scruggs, 12, Connecticut
Justin Aaberg, 15 years, Minnesota
Karl Peart, 16 years, Northumberland
Kerby Guerra Kerby Guerra, 13 years, Colorado
Kristina Calco, 15 years, Idaho
Luke Walmsley, 14 years, Lincolnshire, UK
Myles Neuts, 10 years, Ontario
Nicola Raphael, 15 years, Scotland
Phoebe Prince, 15 years, Massachusetts
Raymond Chase, 19 years, Wales
Ryan Halligan, 13 years, Vermont
Ty Smalley Field, 11 years, Oklahoma
Shaun Noonan; 14 years, Cheshire
Tempest Smith; 12 years, Michigan
Sian Yates; 13 years, Leicester
Stephen Ayres, 13 years,
Seth Walsh, 13 years, California
Tyler Clementi, 18 years, New Jersey
Zach Harrington, 19 years, Oklahoma

CHILDREN OF A TIME AND CHILDREN OF TODAY

Published June 10, 2012 by Tony

GENERATIONAL DIFFERENCES

YOUTH OF TODAY

YOUTH OF FOMER DAYS

contacts mom by cellular;

had their moms who called them from the window;

chats with friends by social network;

talked with friends in the court or club;

plays with Playstation or PC at home, often alone;

played marbles, stickers or football on the footpaths;

goes to the gym and does sport;

always was in movement spending hours in the street;

follows a diet or eat healthy;

ate everything;

is always under parents’ control;

was as much as possible away from parents;

is pampered and spoiled by relatives;

was more mature and independent;

often is mentally unstable;

was determined and with a strong personality;

is insecure and needs parents’ help;

had fewer fears and faced experiences of his/her own;

feels more the need to be alone;

always was along with friends;

spends much time indoors;

tried to stay outside as much as possible;

have so much but share few with other people;

had not much and shared everything with other people;

does well in school, parents are involved and there is a friendly relationship with teachers;

wasn’t going well in school, parents did not care and there was no relationship with teachers;

often is unsatisfied;

adaped and asked for nothing;

feels inferior if has no brand clothes and accessories and has a fully stocked wardrobe;

was just content to go not-naked in the street and happy when received a paltry new garment;

watches much television;

watched TV only at late evening or when couldn’t go away;

receives allowance from parents and often money from grandparents;

never had money and ifhad, not even knew how to spend it;

between Christmas and birthday receives more gifts per year;

barely received one toy at Christmas;

has more knowledge, but more theory than practical;

also if more ignorant was more ingenious;

is attached to parentsand mom in particular;

loved parents but wanted to be free;

leaves home in very old age;

left home as soon as possible;

thinks that everything is due, is demanding and picky;

was grateful for the mere fact to be fed, and his claims, if there were, were for necessary things;

spends vacation with parents and often visiting new places;

rarely went on vacation or on a trip  ‘cause parents couldn’t afford it;

hardly had permission to travel alone;

on some occasions could travel alone;

often talks about sex and his flirt withparents;

knew little about sex, but were private matters;

is turning to parents for any trouble or mischief;

felt it was important reserve, privacy and conspiracy of silence;

has little courage and resourcefulness;

has no ideals or dream to realize.

was daring and enterprising in all;

lived with ideals with some dreams to fulfill.

mmmm

Over-protective parents

Published January 17, 2012 by Tony

ITALIAN MAMMISMO

Over-protective parents are certainly not unique to Italy only, but lately the ‘mammismo’ (literally mamma’s boy) is one of the best-known Italian cultural stereotypes.
The Italian mammismo is a term to define excessive attachment, sometimes morbid, of a son – not prepubescent –  to the mother and vice versa. Once it was called the Oedipus complex or Peter Pan syndrome and was a disease.
But in the past, it was a popular tradition, especially in the south, where children had more contact with mom who stayed at home rather than with the father who worked away. This cultural model is, of course, waned over years thanks to the progress that led to sexual equity with fathers more involved in family life and mothers involved in work activities.
But then things changed again, and worse.
From mammismo is derived the new term “mammone”, a most derogatory and offensive one, in relation to older guys who are still tied to their parents, living together for economic reasons and convenience.
Beyond certain limits, the mammismo, due to an excessive attachment even after the adolescence, can lead to psychological and behavioral problems as demonstrated by young people who find it difficult to separate from parents and home to create their own family, or by conflicts arising when, after marriage, for the guy is more important the mother than his wife. On the other side, her mom is always there with open arms waiting for them, and as we Neapolitan say, “e figlje so piezze ‘e core” (children are heart’s pieces)
Mammismo or Peter Pan syndrome,  in many cases is a disease that involves both subjects, often unconsciously making them unhappy, with her mother who inadvertently hinders the growth and independence of the boy and he who will always be more in difficulty when must make decisions or stay too long away from the mother.
It’s the umbilical cord that virtually has not yet been cut, where one needs the other so morbid. This brings the mother to be overprotective toward child, till to take possession and be part of his life, acting as a filter, preventing, so, all those unpleasant experiences or negative ones that are useful, however, for emotional and social growth of the boy, to be then able to make free choices and accept the consequences too.
No wonder then if we often hear about depressive syndrome,  marriages that break down quickly or young people who escape or commit suicide. They were not prepared to live those experiences, having been living in a softened way, hampered or disheartened!
Compared to the past, progress has brought huge worsening in this field. Just 40 years ago, most boys, already in adolescence, felt the need of independence and freedom, and were considered “men” even before the coming of age. Today, as a pandemic, it is the opposite, with many teenagers who still act as children and older who cant do without parents, parents who in turn still treat them like children.
This behavior postpone a lot the time of self-independence, injuring it too.
If it is true that a good beginning bodes well,  a teenager who still snuggle in her mom arms must understand that so he is not living his life fully, that experience not made today will not have the same meaning and value if made later, it’s time for him to make his choices, even if different from those imposed by his parents. His life as a citizen of the world must start and he is the protagonist, with or without parents constantly wet-nursing him.

Damn, strength, resourcefulness, creativity, openness, joy of life but also unconsciousness and the chance having at 18 years there will be no more at 30!
What the fuck are you waiting for live your life as a more mature and aware person without being there to tell or ask for anything to the mom like a big baby?! It may sound absurd, but at 16 you might already be a father, work, produce, be a true and active “person” and not the man child!
What a damned nuisance!

Grow up please!

The absence of the word “mammismo” or another adequate terms in German, English, Danish, Swedish and so on and forth, let understand that this is mainly an Italian problem, a bigoted country par excellence. I cannot forget the warning that an elementary school teacher gave to my mother who, long ago, took my brother to school every day, “Madam, your son will never become a man!
According to some stats, in America as in Sweden, the average age of young people who try to leave home and enter the world, range from 18 to 25 years. In Finland the average age about girls leaving their parents is 23 years. And in Italy?
Needless to say, we are very, very far!

Contraception Survey

Published October 8, 2011 by Tony

SAFE SEX

young pregnancy

It’s interesting to read the survey carried out by 11 scientific observers, funded by the giant German pharmaceutical Bayer, about the use of condoms by young people in many parts of the world, whose results were released in occasion of the  ‘World Contraception Day (WCD)’, a campaign to improve prevention and contraception knowledge. The survey involved 6000 young people from 29 countries in Asia, Europe, Africa, Latin America and United States, with over 600 people in Egypt, and conducted between April and May of this year. They were people between 15 and 24, although some interviewee till 30 in Egypt.

Jennifer Woodside of the “International Planned Parenthood Federation (IPPF),” says: “The results highlight that too many young people do not have a good knowledge about sex, are not encouraged to ask about contraception and have not received the right information on contraceptive to use to protect themselves from unwanted pregnancies or from sexually transmitted diseases. In addition, young people tell us that they do not receive adequate sex education or receiving incorrect information about sex and sexuality, while some urban myth is still taken into consideration.”

Worldwide, approximately 41% of the 208 million of pregnancies that occur each year are unintended. In addition, each year 20% of teenager is victim of a bacterial infection through sexual contact and the age which these infections occur is decreasing. The English Agency  ‘Health Protection’ states that the reported cases of sexually transmitted infections have increased from 12,000 to 482,700 in 2009 and two thirds of them are girls between 15-24. The statistics show that over 40% of young people in Australia, Chile, Colombia, Great Britain, Indonesia, Lithuania, Mexico, Poland, Singapore, Sweden and Turkey have already had unprotected sex, and the percentage rises to over 50% in China, Estonia, Kenya, Korea, Norway and Thailand.

Since 2009, the number of people who have had unprotected sex increased by 19% in Great Britain, with forty-three per cent of sexually active aged 16 to 19 admitting to use no contraception, compared with 36 percent of last year. More than half of polled European (55%) say to receive sex education at school, although 14% of young people in Britain say they have had cases of teachers whose information was inaccurate or untrue. The study also points out that in Europe, Asia, Latin America and United States, the Hentai- boy & girl sexmost common reason for not using contraception is a lack of preparation, and up to one third of young people in these countries say they did not have any form of contraception available at the time of intercourse.

The statistics are staggering: about 50% of adolescents under the age of 17 in Latin America and Caribbean are sexually active and the percentage rises significantly in every country if it refers to the ‘heavy petting’, erotic activities that do not involve complete sexual intercourse. The sex and  eroticism become quite detached from love, a material need, sharing it by the partners, no longer relegated to the simple and solitary masturbation. All over the world, sex images and porno video have become  the norm rather than the exception nowadays, thanks to media and web.

Nearly 40 percent of pregnancies worldwide are unplanned and it is estimated that 22% of them ending in abortion. Experts attribute this increase in unprotected sex to the fact that youngs feel embarrassed to talk about sex with family members or doctors and to the lack of adequate sex education in schools. Ignorance and misinformation about sex lead to consider valid myths even, such as taking a shower to prevent pregnancy after sex or the use of fizz beverages for vaginal washing after the intercourse. Even the immoderate use of alcohol leads adolescents to forget the use of prevention.

15% of people in Asia and 14% in Europe affirm to dislike condom or that their partner prefers not to use it. In Italy the number of people saying to – not like – contraception has increased from 3% in 2010 to 24% today. As many as 23% of young people in Uganda and 13% in Slovenia say they had sex without contraception to avoid to appear bumbling. 32% in India say that there is no reason to use it. In Europe, Latin America and United States about half of the surveyed say they were well informed about contraception (46%, 53% and 53% respectively), but the percentage decreases significantly in African and Asian countries.

According to the study, the percentage of girls who affirm to have had a friend or family member with unplanned pregnancy is increased from 36% in 2009 to 55% this year. Only 55% of girls consider themselves well informed on all contraceptive methods available compared to 62% of boys. 16% of boys and girls consider the “coitus interruptus” (the extraction of the penis just before the ejaculation) an effective form of contraception, with the majority of Egyptian people.

About 85 out of 100 sexually active girls in fertile age, not using any contraceptive method, will be pregnant within a year. In Europe, more than a quarter of women aged 15 to 24 years will not use contraception the first time they will have a sexual intercourse.

In Europe, with the exception of France and Italy, more than half of young people say to use Internet to get information on contraception, while almost half of young polled in Africa and Europe seems to make recourse to ‘withdraw’ method, which unfortunately is not a secure method.

Not everyone knows that today there are various ways of contraception available for men and women. These include condoms (male and female), the pill, the intrauterine contraceptive device (Copper or medicated), the releasing intrauterine system (Mirena), the vaginal ring or vaginal sponge, diaphragm and subcutaneous implants (Norplant ), oral contraceptives, the morning-after pill, and sterilization (tubal ligation and vasectomy).

contraceptive

U.S.
In 25 states there are educational programs on sex education where they teach abstinence. Some person believes that AIDS is transmitted by the sweat and that some woman could remain sterile after an abortion.

UK
15% do not use contraceptives because they are too drunk when they have sex.

FRANCE
Once home of sex education at school, in the last three years had a boom of relationships at risk: increased by 111%.

ITALY
Only 31% do not take precautions: half of them are afraid of being discovered by parents, others simply “do not like condoms.”

RUSSIA
The country where sex starts early: 80% of sexually active adolescents between 13-19.

CHINA
Record of unprotected casual sex: the first unprotected intercourse for 58% of teenagers.

SINGAPORE
Being upside down for two hours or by an intimate lavender-based Coca-Cola, are the ways which 6% of girls consider useful for preventing pregnancy.

THAILAND
Having sex during menstruation is the best time for 25% of boys.

INDIA
40% do not use contraception and it’s too embarrassing to ask for condom at the pharmacy.

TURKEY
World Capital of coitus interruptus: used by 52% of interviewed.

ARGENTINA
46% of boys receiving condoms by the parents.