From centuries in the South we have a “special” relationship with our mother, sung by immigrants of the early twentieth century, sacred and miraculous like the blood of San Gennaro, too protective, but not exhibited, least of all in public events.
This is what differentiates us from Americans, British, French or Germans, who unlike us Italians do not feel embarrassed to show themselves together their mothers, even at social occasions. For example, Ryan Gosling or Justin Bieber appear on the “red carpet” with their respective moms without any embarrassment.
Whether he is the adolescent who is experiencing his troublesome years of development or the fifty year old professional, here the embarrassment is transverse, has no age or social position, and the specter of the “mum addiction” (mammismo), especially the one that smacks of homosexuality, affects the social life, becomes uncomfortable and inhibit at public level. If here the relationship with the mom is most felt and imposing, there are no backed explanations and it may be because everything is precarious for decades, innate fears and the insecurity of the present and future brings the mother-child relationship to become something essential, the only true and reliable certainty that the child has, especially when the dad is more absent.
In this period that I am on holiday and going to the beach, I see many mamma’s boys that go around on the beach with their mums, they walk hand in hand along the foreshore or lie down together under the sun umbrella as two lovers. A world of pampering, caressing, confessions, through an ethical and psychological relationship that goes beyond the traditional mother-son relationship, one in which we all, of previous generations, were not used to.
This inevitably leads to a delay in the boy “maturation“, but nowadays, where everything goes at a slow pace and people do not program over the next weekend, we cannot ask for more.
Inevitably, this close relationship with the mother precludes other important relations. Too bad, because at 15-16 years it is already an age when young guys could and should do certain useful life experiences that take on a different flavor if made at 20.
This letter written from a dad to his gay son Nate is going viral on the Internet because of its simple, hopeful message of love.
It was posted on the Facebook page of FCKH8.com, an organization aimed at empowering youth through its snarky, gay-positive T-shirts, videos and activist campaigns.
I don’t know if this letter is real, but gives me the opportunity to launch a campaign to help and give words of comfort to all the boys, gay or not, who need it. I know how even a few words of understanding or a short chat of encouragement can be useful in times of distress. I am available to do so and I will respond to anyone who needs to hear a friendly voice. Those interested can write me to: firstname.lastname@example.org
It is well known that in last decades girls mature at a younger age, while for boys we only had supposed such a thing. [In girls, breast development is the first sign and it starts at age 7-8 in about 10 percent of white girls, 23 percent of blacks and 15 percent of Hispanics, while the start of menstruating is around age 11- 12 on average].
Now, some recent studies reveal that it’s not just girls who are developing at younger ages but also boys are entering puberty earlier than past generations. And this is conflicting with what some doctors thought till now, since the food rich in estrogens -the main responsible for the early development in girls- logically speaking had even to delay sexual maturation in boys. What a coincidence, in a prior post I just mentioned a similar evolutionary issue.
The new study has been conducted by the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) through data coming from 212 practitioners in 144 pediatric offices that in 41 states have recorded information on 4.131 boys age 6 to 16. Conventionally, doctors based their examinations on the so-called Tanner stages of development, used to measure how far along in puberty a young person is. This method checks the sexual development during puberty and divides it into five stages, depending on the size of the genitals (G1, 2, 3, 4, 5) and hairs (P1, 2, 3, 4, 5). [see below for the stages table]
Results say that on average genital changes in boys start around the age of 9-10, with evident pubic hair between age 10 and 11, testicle size increasing before age 10, and with a full sexual maturity at 14-15. The stage 3, meaning a sexual development with a penis growing and testicles already producing sperm, happens at age 12. Besides the study says that African-American boys develop earlier than their white and Hispanic peers.
An older study, from the 1950s through 1970s of white boys in England, found that boys started genital development at age 11-12 on average, with pubic hair development typically between 12 and 13 – about two years later than in the new study.
Of course, for now doctors have only theories to explain the reasons of this changing as it is still not clear why boys also are hitting puberty sooner.
Contemporary data on the ages of pubertal characteristics in American boys, from onset to maturity, were lacking until now.
Although these results can give happiness to young guys and be a source of pride, another study by Cornell’s College of Human Ecology noticed that boys reaching sexual maturity more rapidly can go towards psychological problems, as getting along with others their age and having a higher risk for depression. Besides, when the release of the hormone testosterone reaches its maximum, boys can assume particularly risky behavior, as shows of strength, negligence or high propensity to violence, acts that lead to an increased number of serious accidents.
Regardless if such early development is good or not, parents should pay attention to their kids’ development, because in these cases evidently become important having a diverse chat with them and start talking earlier about sexuality and sex activity. Consequently, the sexual development takes boys to a greater need for masturbation or for sex with peers. Probably, this just is another reason why nowadays cases of pregnant teenagers girls have increased or because porno users age is lower. Thus, our society needs to take note and adapt to this, beyond medical or psychological dissertations, whereas it is impossible to deny or prohibit sexual activity to a girl or a boy of 14 years whose sexually already gets the same need of a more mature person. But according to the hypocrisy, moralism and puritanism of our society, these legal and mental changes will not be easy to achieve.
TANNER STAGES TABLE Sexual organs are staged as follows: Stage 1: The testes, scrotum, and penis are about the same size and proportion as in early childhood.
Stage 2: The scrotum and testes enlarge and the scrotal sac reddens and changes in texture. There is little to no enlargement of the penis.
Stage 3: There is further growth of the testes and scrotum and the penis begins to enlarge, mainly in length.
Stage 4: The testes and scrotum continue to enlarge and the scrotal skin continues to darken. The penis continues to grow in breadth and length with development of the glans. Stage 5: The genitalia are of adult size and shape. No further enlargement takes place.
Pubic hair is staged as follows: Stage 1: The vellus of the pubis resembles that over the abdomen.
Stage 2: Sparse growth of long, slightly pigmented, downy hair, straight or only slightly curled, appears chiefly at the base of the penis.
Stage 3: The hair is considerably darker, courser, and more curled. It spreads sparsely over the junction of the pubis.
Stage 4: The hair is now adult-like but the area covered is still considerably smaller than in most adults. There is no spread to the medial surface of the thighs.
Stage 5: The hair is adult in quantity and type, distributed in the “male” pattern of an inverse triangle, and may spread to the medial surface of the thighs.
WHAT A BAD SOCIETY WE’VE SET UP!
TEEN TAKING THEIR OWN LIFE
Bullying takes another heavy toll, another victim, AmandaTodd, a fifteen-Canadian girl who leaves us with another shocking video on youtube. The girl committed suicide on Oct. 10 because victim of cyber-bullying through the social networking website Facebook.
I read that about the 36,951 suicides recorded in the U.S. in 2009 by the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 265 involved children ages 5-14, while suicide remains the third-leading cause of death among U.S. teens and young adults. I do not know how many people have committed suicide worldwide so far, because of bullying or because our society had put them in the dock, but they are a lot considering that the simple internet search “teens committing suicide by bullying” I’m doing just now, returns me dozens of cases.
I have not continued the research because it was useless and saddened me further, it takes only the names reported in this short list to tell us that something is wrong, that our mentality has to change, starting from the institutions, through the school and by a large worldwide campaign against bullying and any type of discrimination. A bad taste in my mouth seeing that many of these teenagers are dead because were gay or only considered as such. None of us can even begin to imagine the pain that they went through. My heart goes out to all of these peoples families. We need to put a stop to this, our generation is being stolen right out from under our feet because we’re so judgmental, rude, and just plain insensitive. I care about every single life lost in this struggle of survival in this cruel world. The age of the subjects shown in this list condemns us all equally and let us understand that it is young people, our children to pay the price. Each of us is responsible for this because even in our small way, what little we can do, we can contribute and must help things to change.