All posts tagged how

Is it real love?

Published June 16, 2013 by Tony

How to tell if a new relationship will last

Summer, time for vacation, for encounters and…. flirts.
Whether he is to take the first step or she to wink, the question that often arises is: will it be an enduring love story?
Hard to say but some tips can come in handy.

Beyond physical attraction that led you to take the first step, I think it goes without saying that thru the second step you gotta check whether there are common interests, something that many underestimate.
Having more than one interest in common leads you to spend free time together, both of you intent to make or attend in the same event, and have some interesting topics of discussion.

Lifestyle of each of you is another important parameter to be evaluated. It is true that “love” can overcome many obstacles, but in the long run it stress you out and can lead to a break.

While dating or at the beginning of your living together, observe well your partner’s behavior and words.
“We” is an important word in a relationship, perhaps even more than “I love you”. Saying “we” means unconsciously a real intention to bring forward a superficial relationship, to feel part of a duo and a sincere feeling.
The wish for a trip together, the toothbrush put next to yours in the bathroom, fantasize about a future coexistence, they are all signs of a planning! This means that he/she is serious in the choice!

If your relationship starts to extend beyond yourself, and your partner wants more and more to share the “personal” affective sphere (talking of relatives and friends), bringing you into his/her world through the story of important events, well, this is the real transition between a simple infatuation and the beginning of serious relationship!

If you’re carrying he/she in your world through personal and familiar confidences and he/she is distracted, or if he/she looks bored when is together your friends and family members, it means that he/she does not want to consolidate the bond and do not want to go “beyond” the two of you. In this case, it is as to mean “do not run, it’s just an attraction.”

If your new partner does not plan anything, if the time spent with you is always deliberately “sipped,” and the word “future” is still a taboo, it is clear that for he/she this is just a adventure.

Average family lifestyle

Published April 2, 2013 by Tony

How is the life of an average middle-class family here in Naples?
And that of a pensioner?

I think this is one of the curiosities that arises in people interested in Italian culture and living in other countries.
To realize that the answer cannot be exhaustive, ask yourself the same question, how is an usual family’s life in your country?
As you can see, at this question we can only give a very general answer, because there would be too many cases to be taken into account, varying from family to family and even according to the area they are living in.
Keeping me very general, I will consider two average family, the first consisting of a father and a mother, both workers, with two teenage children, and the second formed by two grandparents already retired.

For us, the “peak hours”, to indicate the hours of the day when there is more traffic and more people in the street, are the ones in the morning from 8.30 to 14, which roughly corresponds to the entry and exit from schools and shops and offices opening hours; then with another rush hour at about 14 (shops re-opening hour), and between 19 to 20, the closing time for factories and shops.
Of course, moving and traveling in urban centers during these hours is more difficult and takes more time giving more stress. No problem, however, for those who have schools and shops close at hand, and that, therefore, can easily move on foot.

Usually, students must leave home in time to be in their high school at 8.10 – 8.20 am, and except in special cases, most adolescents reach the school either by foot (if the school is nearby) or by public transport, and in this case they must be in the street at least one hour before. At that time, the majority of the public transport are crowded with students who move to the city and suburbs for going to school. Therefore, you can well realize the confusion and noise that you will be subjected if traveling on one of these buses.
In contrast, the majority of parents, who are employees or traders, move by car to reach their own workplace. Except in special cases, this means that between 7 and 8 in the morning they already have to leave home.

As I already have mentioned in a previous post, here most of the parents are quite tolerant towards their children. From what I know, compared to American families for example, here there is less worry and anxiety towards teenagers (from 14-15 up), who get enough freedom to go out alone and travel on their own.
With regard to working hours, I cannot generalize because depending of the work, some parents may be back home lunchtime, and then be able to eat together with their children who meantime are got out from school. Anyway, it’s a fact that are dads to be back home in the afternoon and so forced to have lunch for themselves.
During the afternoon, moms do housework and prepare dinner, and if the case go out for shopping. The youths, instead, do their homework, watch TV, spend time near computer/PlayStation alone or with some friends, and go out in case they have to go to a friend’s home, attend some gym or play some sport. Sometimes, it’s a parent to take them by the car.
Of course, in the late evening the whole family gathers for dinner, after which they all watch TV or teenagers can enjoy again computer or some game.
Generally, parents are not so strict about time to go to bed, and youngsters can stay up late evening, unless it is the whole family that goes to bed asking them to do the same.  They will pay at their own expense, having then to get up early to go to school, thing which will force them, in the future, not to stay awake up late at night.
On Sunday, if there are no commitments, boys and girls are free to do what they want, so, both in the morning and evening, they may go out to go to church or meet friends, while parents could take them to the cinema or a friend’s home if it is not so near their home.
On Sundays, parents take the opportunity to do some work at home, to engage in some hobby, meet friends or relatives, or relax by spending the whole day at home between a good meal and following football games on TV. Usually, the evening is also devoted to visit friends or relatives.

Undoubtedly, there is still a small-discrimination with regard to sex, with boys who are privileged in having more freedom to go out alone or invite both male and females friends at home. A girl who invites a male friend, would put parents in discomfort who, though agree, wouldn’t allow them to stay alone or with closed door, something that boys usually can do, instead!
Here, we are more concerned for daughters than for sons, in the sense that at the beginning of puberty girls already are thinking about a boyfriend and if they are gorgeous will also have many boys wooing them. In general, for some reason, girls are also more confident and precocious than most boys same age, and while good boys aged 14-15 still like to stay at home to play, others boys who are more rascal and untimely spend more time in the street together friends, often going around just with the intent to find a girl with whom make out.
Once the spark is struck, and the girl is in love with him, is quite certain that in the long run the boy gets its way, and unless you do not control your daughter 24 hours a day, sooner or later they will find the opportunity to be alone and even in 10 minutes do what us parents wouldn’t want our girl did at that age.
Under this point of view, from 14 to 17 is the age most critical and dangerous. A girl who is able to keep the virginity till her 18th birthday, probably will remain so until she’s sure of what is doing. Anyway, it is for this reason that unexpected and untimely pregnancies occur precisely in that age group, not so many here, fortunately. Of course, much depends on girl’s character and social context in which she’s living. Little can be done if she is a “siren” and surrounded by many tomcats or coxcombs. Although through no pregnancy (luckily phew!), I know girls who have had intercourse already at 13-14 years, and it is clear that this type of girl then will have no scruple to go ahead having sex with any guy dating her. On the contrary, at that age, many boys are still home to play with toys, watch cartoon and perhaps masturbating alone.
When children get older, over 18 years, it becomes much more difficult for parents to keep up. They want their freedom and cannot help but partying, go out on Saturday and Sunday evening, coming home very late at night. Sometimes you have to push them to devote more time to study or help them to find a job, where they have finished their studies. Nowadays, a child easily can stay with their parents even after his/her 30 years.

In Italy, every worker who has worked up to 65 years, receives a pension in proportion to the contributions. There are many so-called pensions “integrated to the minimum”, where the law has established that the amount of any pension cannot be less than 500 euro per month. So, if both spouses have a pension, life in retirement may be less difficult. Considering that in old age there are less expenses due to child support, personal expenses, partying or luxury. Here, the lives of pensioners is fairly quiet and monotonous. Grandchildren are often the only diversion that pushes grandparents to move and spend more. With crisis and unemployment are often grandparents, though their meager pensions, to help married son or daughter.
The grandmother is often full-time homemaker, spending free time between relatives, friends, church or some hobby. For him, however, things get a little harsher, because he often does not know how to pass the time and the days become all the same. Breakfast, newspaper, a stroll to meet friends around in the square, in a bar or in a social club. Someone pass the time playing cards, bocce, or doing errands for their married offspring who have little free time. If grandparents get the chance will join some organized trip by coach, and if they also are the lucky owner of a house at the sea or in mountains, bought during the long working life, on every holiday they will be there to spend a few days.
Grandparents are often the ones that invite their progeny to eat home (or vice versa), as well as become a sort of nursery for little grandchildren whose parents do not know where to leave them. Here, parents who have definitively broken any relation with their children or vice versa are very few. This can happen sometimes for economic reasons (inheritance), or because of some disagreement arose between the families. The family connection is never interrupted, unless sons have not been forced to leave their hometown. For this reason, concern and anxiety never end…. we start with babies after our wedding, and end up in sharing any issue that affect the family of our progeny.

Now it’s up to you, who live in another country, find the differences between these lifestyles and those belonging to your different culture.


Sex’s Physiology

Published January 24, 2013 by Tony

Sex’s Physiology

Saying that sex stimulate sex itself may sound strange but it’s true!
So, Viagra aside, if you want more arousal and wish to have more sex, you should have sex…. and more frequently! Like any machine, each human body’s part works better if regularly is made operated.  It is not me to say this, but the complicated chemistry of our body and what happens during a sexual act, which I will try to explain briefly below.

From the moment an intercourse has begun, a lot of physical and chemical changes already have occurred in man’s body.
The first to work are Pheromones, chemical substances produced by both sexes that trigger the physical attraction. The same substances that attracts the male animal to the female when in the fertile period. Among them is the Phenylethylamine, a chemical stimulant responsible for the euphoric state and excitation, which stimulates the libido through the release of Dopamine, another chemical neurotransmitter that, in turn, promotes the synthesis of Testosterone, the king of sex hormones.
After the state of “well-being” due to the dopamine, comes a general agitation caused by Norepinephrine, widespread

molecule in the nervous system, especially the hypothalamus and the limbic system. This molecule causes excitement, euphoria and enthusiasm, but also promotes contraction of the sexual organs’ veins and keeps the blood to sustain the erection. The Noradrenaline regulates the production of Adrenaline which causes an increase in heart rate, respiration and blood pressure, often giving rise to the redness of the face.
guy penis erectionOur body starts to produce Endorphins.
Meantime, the erection has led to the activation of two portions of the spinal cord: a “sacral center” that sends direct impulses to the penis, keeping vasodilation, thanks to the stimuli sent by the glans; and a “lumbar center” which is receiving some pulse from the brain activated by visual, olfactory, tactile and auditory excitement. The arousal, to stay alive, needs constant reinforcement of the fulfillment that is guaranteed by the stimulation of a bundle of nerve fibers, sensitive to dopamine, which runs below the cerebral cortex. It is a fundamental structure of the brain stem with an associative function, which is not exclusive of the cortex. The Endorphins are chemicals produced by the central nervous system and equipped with a powerful analgesic and exciting activity, therefore act as “natural anesthetic” with benefits similar to morphine and other opiates (relieves pain and gives physical well-being). This is the reason why during each sexual act any man has more vigor, and as if anesthetized feels less pain while all the other organs of the body seem to be paused, as if the only purpose is to go ahead and complete the sexual act. Mind, body and senses, overwhelmed by these hormones and the great excitement, go in a limbo!
After the ejaculation the amount of endorphins and Oxytocin increase considerably.



Oxytocin is a hormone produced from the rear of the pituitary gland that stimulates the genitals. It is called the “love or cuddle hormone” because also generates feelings of affection, protection and well-being in the pair, which above all, strengthens the love’s emotional component. This hormone participates, at various levels, to the sexual response, favoring the orgasm, through the activation of the limbic system. Prolactin, like serotonin, in contrast with oxytocin, does not promote sexual arousal and is sometimes responsible for erection issues. Normally, the hypothalamus produces a factor that inhibits the secretion of prolactin and so, when the prolactin increases, it means that the hypothalamus is overstimulated. This can happen for a reduction of the dopamine (as in the case of depression); it is precisely this neurotransmitter which stimulates the production of the factor inhibiting the prolactin. It usually happens by the use of drugs such as beta-blockers, antidepressants, anxiolytics or anti-ulcer which increase prolactin secretion. The increase in oxytocin inhibits arousal from which the deflation of the penis, and this hormone is also responsible of the refractory period (recovery time) following the ejaculation, blocking libido and erection. The increase in endorphins, similar to morphine and heroin influence, reinforce this effect, and this is the reason of lack of interest to sexual activity of heroin addict people.  Unlike men, some women do not experience a refractory period immediately after orgasm and in many cases are capable of attaining additional, multiple orgasms through further stimulation. As average, young men (16 – 22-years-old)  have a refractory period of about 10-20  minutes, that then increasing with age, till to need more than 20 hours for older men.
Orgasm is without doubt the most complete moment of
abandon/isolation for human being. At that moment he is not afraid of any danger, with eyes closed and cessation of any cognition. The individual, for a moment, abstract himself from the environment with a high threshold to pain, because of the endorphins. For everyone, “the little death” (petite mort), as it is called, is, paradoxically, a short moment of absence which coincides with the maximum externalization of his biological being, because taken from the act of procreation which is the ultimate and most important goal of his existence.
It should be noted that sex hormones are produced in direct order of the brain, not for nothing it’s said that sex is made by brain. The starting unit resides in the hypothalamus which calls for the anterior pituitary gland to emit two distinct sex hormones. The first is the FSH, follicle-stimulating hormone, that in the male acts in a part of the testicles, promoting the production and maturation of sperm; the other pituitary hormone is the LH, luteinizing hormone, which in the male stimulates the production of testosterone by the testes.

At the end of any sex act, therefore, we will have different circulating hormones, which in addition to promoting the production of new semen, have increased levels of testosterone and those pheromones which, as mentioned, increase sexual stimulation. This is the reason why pubescent boys, who blessed do not need additional arousal, become easily masturbation-addict, if they do it very frequently. Do you have ever got another erection after a sex intercourse (recovery time permitting) or still lust in the immediate aftermath?  Staying in circulation, these chemicals promote, later in time, excitement and desire to have sex again. Subsequently,  you even could notice a turgid penis, due to the better blood circulation inside the penis.

Just sex that stimulates other sex.
As if to say, appetite comes with eating.


Published October 11, 2012 by Tony


It is  said that in our bedroom we can do what we wants. What happens in bed is something strictly private, especially if we refer to sex.  But, although we are not all the same, I think that what happens in bed not differentiate each other so much. Perhaps we are more different at the table or in dressing.  Apart from some special cases, most men do the same things when in bed with a partner, during a sexual intercourse. Beside, the average sex time is not as long as you’d think.
Tenderness, hugging, foreplay and then… the coitus, without or with some short break if he wants a longer intercourse.
Since the variables are different, it is not easy to establish an average in duration, although some statistics tell us that we are in a range between 15-30 minutes. But if we take into consideration only the duration of the copulation, excluding any other variable, even foreplay, then the statistics and polls become more precise and reliable.
According to a new study called “Canadian and American Sex Therapists’ Perceptions of Normal and Abnormal Ejaculatory Latencies“, a coitus lasts anywhere from three to seven minutes. This is as a physiological factor.
This data corresponds closely to other studies, which put the average of the pure intercourse at five to seven minutes. Few people have intercourse that goes longer than 10 minutes.
Differently from popular fantasy about the need for hours of sexual activity…or about some men pretending pretentiously to be as a train’s long-ride with no stop.
Men who are able to have a double ejaculation with no “recovery time” or  physiological pause, so that they can carry on the sexual act without stopping, can be counted on fingertips. After ejaculation, the recovery time after which every man is again able to excite and have a new erection, varies from person to person and can range from a few minutes to many… many hours.

Unfortunately, today’s popular culture has reinforced stereotypes about sexual activity. Many men and women seem to believe the fantasy model of large penises, rock-hard erections and all-night-long intercourse… absurd.
Luckily, if a guy is concerned about how long intercourse should last, these data reassure him and avert the thought of some physical disorders.
On Wikipedia, under the voice “Sexual intercourse”, we can read “Intercourse ends when the man has ejaculated…. Masters and Johnson found that men took about 4 minutes to reach orgasm with their partners while women took about 10–20 minutes to reach orgasm…. In 1991 the Kinsey Institute stated, “The truth is that the appropriate length for intercourse is the length of time it takes for both partners to be mutually satisfied”.
This means that it is useless, if not even annoying, if sexual intercourse lasts much longer than woman’s needs to be satisfied. Many studious consider a time of 20 min. the most appropriate for most women. It is supposed that you know your partner’s needs and you should try to adapt yourself to her.
Those who want to reach a long ‘screw’, beyond foreplay or various break, must understand that sex is done with the head before it by their body. Therefore they must control their behavior and emotions. A simple way to do this is to divert the mind when they feel that “their time” is about to expire… before the ejaculation arrives. Although quite unromantic, they need to think about things that are so important to overpower and take precedence over the sweet and pleasant sensations that sex is giving them on that moment. I do not know now, but think about bills, bickering with the boss or to the poor state of health of a family member, for example. It requires only a minute, the right time to “cool the ardor” without losing  the erection or the wish to go on. If you are able you can repeat, after some time, this gimmick. Someone also finds useful slowing down through very small-pauses, switching positions and varying the speed and pattern of his thrusts. By these simple gimmicks and adding 10 min. (as average) for prior foreplay, most guys can get a satisfying intercourse lasting 30 minutes even.

I forgot to say that the “time” or “duration” of which we are speaking about, also depends on the age of the person. In general, the stimulus, the sensitivity of the penis, as the reaction times decrease with age, and this involves a small increase in the time required to achieve ejaculation. As a middle-aged person, I now can confirm that this statement is true and made me happy because I have never liked foreplay and my partner had to make do with my “to-and-fro” never higher than 15 min. From long, with no ploy, I can reach the half-hour.
About glans, those who suffer from premature ejaculation, since youth and who are not circumcised, could receive a benefit accustoming themselves to keep the penis constantly “open” (with the foreskin pulled up) in their briefs. Over time, the glans slowly will lose in sensitivity.